Trials of a Tantra Superwoman!
I Am Not A Tantra Superwoman!
Let me tell you the last six months have possibly been the hardest time of my entire life! You probably know from my previous posts that I severely injured my left ankle about six months ago. Well, guess what? Just after ‘New Year’s Eve’ I fell and broke my right ankle too! Picture that… a Tantra teacher with two broken legs. Sexy huh? Sounds like the beginning of quite a few naughty jokes!
So, needless to say I have been feeling pretty stressed, somewhat helpless, and lately kind of sad to boot. I have been staying home most of the time, and if I do leave the house it is just to go to the doctor or get groceries and medicine. I have to say though that I am feeling a lot of gratitude for the support I receive from my nearest and dearest that drive me from place to place (because I can’t drive right now either). If you know me at all, you will realize that this is very difficult for me, since usually I am headed in at least three directions at once. Again… much gratitude for my sweet and kind friends!
Well, I must admit that there is a sweet, rose scented light that has kept me going over the last few months. I made a very powerful and beautiful connection with a Frenchman. Ooh la-la! So, I can’t say that the universe has been entirely unkind. What a powerful love I have found. He has been a great support for me. Alas, at this time my beloved had to go back to Paris. After a whirlwind romance that has kept my heart pounding over the last several months, due to some silly immigration rules, I am once again on my own.
So here I am. Alone. Hurting. No sex with my beloved to warm me through some particularly cold nights. Sigh. Pout.
But you know… the reality is that I am feeling very grateful for everything I do have. People are really showing up to help me and give me so much love and real support. Sometimes it feels like I can’t do anything I love to do like hiking, working out, my regular yoga routine, or simply going out for a walk. \(And forget about high heels!) But I am learning how to accept help.
I have this belief that my friends have an image of me as a strong woman who can do anything, who goes and gets what she wants. (Or maybe that was my image of myself?) But, right now I even have to ask for a glass of water. I have started to realize that I am surrounded by blessings and love and that the acceptance of the gift of love is a way of giving as well. I think that there is a certain kind of strength in that, you know?
And I don’t have to just wait for the healing to happen. There is a lot that I can do to make peace with my heart and nurture my body and spirit. I don’t really know how long it is going to take to heal both of my ankles, but I am doing the best that I know how. I am choosing to eat raw foods to speed the healing process; going to physical therapy; finding ways to exercise; staying positive and have positive thoughts; getting regular acupuncture and massage; practicing chi gong and other energy work; and simply allowing the love of my friends and my beloved pour upon me. When I really stop to think about it, I am living in more abundance than ever. Wow.
I have felt like I am slowly breaking down, like I have no control in my life. But I realize that this is an absurd delusion. I think that the truth is that I am “unstoppable!”
Often times I ask myself, “What is the lesson here?”
I have a few different theories…
I need rest, love nurturing, and time to really heal. My body is insisting!
I am feeling very raw and vulnerable, and this has made me more open than I have ever been before.
I am feeling everything very deeply, and I am learning to find balance in the face of great challenges.
My spiritual foundation is truly what is sustaining me.
So , this is a great opportunity to walk (metaphorically speaking) my talk and practice self-love in a whole new way. I am choosing to watch each thought, eat beautiful foods, take good care of myself, work out (gently), and continue with my calling to be a Tantra teacher and love coach.
So forward I go! Over the next few months I am continuing my work with an online video series, and writing a book about my journey with Tantra. Truth is, I have always envisioned doing these things and I am finally able to take the time to do it.
Once again, I am the student. I am learning that receiving love is a wonderful thing for those who are giving love as well. What a happy discovery! I am just soaking up all this love from the people in my life. There is an indescribable sweetness in witnessing the joy and love in service. This whole thing has opened a deeper sense of compassion that I never quite realized.
I am here sharing this experience with you, and I feel very humble. Letting go is a must for me right now and at the same time I am in control of what I make of it, what I create from it, and how I feel about my choices and decisions that I make from this place.
Now, that is power!
Love and humble gratitude,
Kika hosts gatherings in her home area of Los Gatos, Ca and is available to travel for special events and retreats at beautiful locations, all around the world. She brings deep levels of teaching, healing, celebration, and community connection. All classes, workshops, private lessons and retreats are designed to help to create and expand personal fulfillment and enable you to cultivate more powerful and loving relationships.